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Lovesick Bitterness


Amy Winehouse once said, she thought the love she had for her husband was killing her. Blake, Amy’s ex-husband, had once smashed a bottle, cut his arm and was bleeding. Blake looked over at Amy and her arm was bleeding too. Amy said to Blake that if he were bleeding, she would bleed too and would do anything for him. Amy’s love for Blake consumed every piece of her being. Although highly volatile and drug induced, Amy loved Blake through and through, regardless of what it did to her. Have you ever been in a situation where the love you felt for another was actually damaging you, it was doing the opposite of what love is supposed to do? I think it’s safe for me to say a lot of us have, I know I have. Love becomes troublesome in situations where the consumption of love is palpable. The need to never be away from him or her and to have them constantly around you is relentless – you would do anything to never be without them. The power of one single emotion has the capability to become the catalyst to makes us feel one hundred more. Love can make us act out, act irrationally, act outside the boundaries of ourselves; can I even be so bold as to say love can make us lose ourselves? Love can trap us in an avalanche of our emotions not being able to tell which way is up or down, left or right, you’re just lost. To quote the legendary Ron Burgundy, “I’m in a glass case of emotions!” – I think that sums it up pretty well?

Perhaps this is the chance we take with falling in love with someone. If love were a person it would be an extremist; he or she would make you feel things, help you learn. We fall in love so we can be apart of something that is half out of our control or possibly completely out of our control; something bigger than ourselves. Is control the culprit? If we succumb to loss of control do we lose everything? I think we all live with an exact amount of control. If we are in control are we happier? Think about it, the level at which control is acquired is usually associated with the amount of happiness you can be satisfied with. If I lose control of the items in my life, whether it is people or things, I can feel my happiness being rendered. Don’t you think we are more willing to put ourselves out there, romantically, emotionally or professionally, when we know we have a landing pad to fall back on? Our ducks are in a row, so anything else is bearable to take. Or perhaps not, perhaps we’re all just swirling around in anarchy and chaos, until all of a sudden it all makes sense.

Love can be painful, it can be overwhelming, it can create turmoil, but I’ve heard it before, I’ve even said it before, and ill continue to hear and say it, “I wouldn’t swap the pain.” We look for it, we hound for the passion, the banter, the lovesick bitterness, we don’t stop – some would even say “we search our whole lives for something like this.” Each relationship is different, it comes with it’s own set of rules, some in our favor, some not. Every time you enter into a new relationship you bring in your own play book, some of the plays work, and then sometimes you end up playing man to man defense when you should have been playing zone. Even when you get stuck in a whirlwind of erratic emotions and lack of structure, it’s possible you usually don’t even notice the gusting winds until the tides have settled and you’re sitting there thinking, “Did that just really happen?” More often then not, we don’t even know we’re drowning until someone’s resuscitating us, which typically means you’re already in your next relationship.

Maybe that’s just life, flavors of sweet and bitter love.

XOXO Witty Kitty


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