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A Gravitational Pull


Last week I began thinking about reoccurring relationships, the on again off again relationships, the relationships you can’t quite seem to give up on and wave the white flag. Do you have that one person who every so often pokes his or her head out of the sand or their memory walks back into your thoughts, into your mind? The relationships where you can’t seem to break the gravitational pull you feel towards each other, as if your bodies were magnets. After every six months you feel a pull, curiousness consumes you, and in a mere moment it’s all you can do not to think of them. Months and months have gone by and now you mustn’t wait another moment to feel their touch, hear their voice or even kiss their lips. Perhaps the gravitational pulls never leaves us. What’s with this pull that makes it unbearable to deny? This pull could be what brings us back together, maybe even the reason why we say; “it’ll be different this time.” Can I be so bold as to say, the pull felt between two people is a force bigger than us; perhaps it’s even what fuels are hope to think one-day it’ll be better.

Do you think, with ex’s, there will always be a gravitational pull? Whether you and your ex are on good terms or not, does a pull still exist between two people who loved each other? Maybe that’s where the lost love lives. That is always my question about break ups; where does the love go? Was it even love at all? How do we know what love is compared to lust? My favourite quote to describe love is, “If it wasn’t love, it was something like it.” As if to think, perhaps we’ll never really know love at all.

Do you have a person, or maybe even people, orbiting in your life that you seem to keep a watchful eye over or tabs on? Your curiosity drives you to search his or her name in Google or anytime their name comes up in conversations your ears perk and you’re suddenly eaves dropping on someone else’s lunch date. These could be people you’ve dated, not dated, wished you dated or the ones who broke your heart. These people, to me, always live in my question of the “what if”. What if I had decided to abandon what I thought I should do and make a different decision? Every day we are faced with decisions and choices, decisions and choices that can be mundane as choosing chicken or turkey or salty or spicy. But these choices are strung together in a slew of days affecting nothing, until one day it changes your life. I always think back to just under five years when I was faced with a choice, I could go with A or I could have gone with B. I can’t help but wonder what the alternate choice would have led to. Would I have been omitted from heartbreak? Would I be able to sit here and say I have never been cheated on? Would I sit here knowing the things I know or would I have not been subjected to them yet? After a while, however, asking what if has to desist or else it will drive you mad; you’ll drive yourself crazy. I have to think perhaps those people, the “what ifs”, have to remain in our past, and only to be viewed from a distance. Or are they the ones we are continually pulled towards?

Do we need people in our life to ever so often think of and smile fondly about their memory? The memories of perhaps love or lust, even mischievous or adventure, will live on forever in your mind if we let them. I think the reason we can experience a gravitational pull towards an ex or a “what if” is not defined by how you felt with that person, but how you felt within yourself. When I think of my “what if,” I think of a time when I was free, I had left the constraints of my previous relationship and I relished in the glory of such freedom and felt liberated. I was a person who began experiencing her life differently, and I became a person outside of what I thought I knew myself to be. My “what if” was there when I was experiencing this change, so when I think of him and what we could have been, I can’t help but think I would have ruined it anyways because I wasn’t who I wanted to be yet. So now, as I believe I am a version of the person I want to be, I can’t help but wonder what my “what if” and I would be like.

I will leave you with this last thought. As we grow, we continue to evolve, we continue to (hopefully) better ourselves, maybe as we develop and change, the gravitational pull grows stronger to bring us back to where we started.

XOXO Witty Kitty

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