How Did I Get Here?
This week I got to thinking about the beginning of relationships and the things we do to impress the other person. Ladies, think about the time when you start seeing a gentlemen, and you’ve decided to take down the force field around your underwear and allow him to have an adult sleepover with you. Typically the number one task of your day, that day, consists of shaving off all your body hair so you’re slick as a baby seal and have less hair than a goddamn hairless cat. “Send me a nude picture baby,” ...girl sends back a picture of a hairless cat (true story from yours truly). I think men and women have it equally bad when it comes to dating. However, time getting ready before dates is especially harder for women. The full body waxing, outfit deciding, getting eye lash glue in your eyes when putting on fake eye lashes and trying to squeeze into jeans that make your ass look good but actually cut off the circulation in your waist. On the flip side, men (the smart men) have to plan every single detail of the first, through at least fifth date to hear the phrase, “Do you want to come in and smell the new fabric softener I just used to wash my sheets with (insert half smiley emoticon here)?” Needless to say, dating is difficult.
Recently, one of my pals got me thinking about dates we go on where we have no business being on those dates. Explicitly telling me to not mention his name, Steve Erick, shared some of his feelings on the subject with me. Steve tells me, “have you ever been on a date or done an activity and then your own mind said, ‘fuck I would never ever do this on my own. This is so lame I’m only doing this for the other person.’” Steve elaborates on the topic by adding he believes this is especially true when he see girls ridding motorcycles with their husbands, which is a point I agree with. Or when boyfriends are at Chapters with their girlfriends. This is actually ironic as I’m typing this because I was just at Chapters with Steve, even though he’s not my boyfriend perhaps the irony is moot. Regardless I couldn’t help but think Steve had a point. Think about it, how many situations have you been in, during a date, where you think what went wrong in my life for me to be sitting across from someone, while you contemplate all your life choices leading up to this moment. “Why did I swipe right, why did I swipe right?!?!”
I remember going on a first date with a man, and I met him for an afternoon coffee date (there’s my first mistake – first dates should only involve alcohol). Him and I had decided to grab coffee and go for a walk; well apparently walk meant scrambling hike to him. I walked up to him, wearing my flip-flops and jeans, and to my horror the man was wearing hardcore Asics with (wait for it)…jeans. Yes, ladies hardcore running runners and JEANS! I get the fashionable runners like the “cool Nikes” and jeans, but these runners were like your Dad’s runners plus more glow in the dark bounce gel. So, I walk up to him and say, “Are you preparing to run away?” He didn’t get my joke, I laughed though. So we go for our walk around Mission, come back to his vehicle and go for a drive. Now my biggest pet peeve in life is when people I don’t know start singing to me. As we’re driving, he asks, “Do you like Ed Sheeran?” and I say, “Yeah I like him, but usually when I’m sad or when it’s raining.” All of a sudden he starts full on singing, having the time of his life belting the lyrics to some Ed Sheeran song. This guy’s hitting the high notes, trying to sing to me and look into my eyes as if I'm fricken Simon Cowell. I wouldn’t put you through to the next round pal! I sat there and thought to myself…this is who you choose to go on dates with, how did I get here?!?
Like I said above dating is difficult, but it can also give us the chance to get out of our comfort zones. As I’ve come to realize, all of us have different passions. And it’s a beautiful thing when those passions force us to experience something outside of the normal routine of just going for beers. But knowing me, those experiences won’t be limited to learning how to shoot guns or learning how to snowboard. These new experiences will probably lead me to wearing some sort of shark suit, sloth onesie or dare I even say it, a horse head mask. I just pray no one ever sings to me again.
XOXO Witty Kitty